so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
