If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
