You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Two words: blizzard sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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