I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
