tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
