girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
