Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
