i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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