A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
