Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
