Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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