Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
