i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
