Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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