I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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