Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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