so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
