did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
