I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
