She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
