I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
