I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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