So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
