Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
