I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
