I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
