i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me i tasted like america
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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