i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
