i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
