Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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