We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
