I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
