Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
