Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
