it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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