I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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