I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
