Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
