I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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