frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
