i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
