I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
