forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
