awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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