textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
