Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
