I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
