I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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