I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
