help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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