i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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